


About a girl I know

by WeAllGotLeftBehind



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alpha!Clarke, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Drug Abuse, F/F, Mention of Mental Illness, Mention of Other Sexual Partners, Multi, Omega!Lexa, Threesome, alpha!anya - Freeform, but nobody knows if it's true
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-21 03:59:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10677228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeAllGotLeftBehind/pseuds/WeAllGotLeftBehind
Summary: “Like we matter, Clarke. You gave us that look, it’s not the kind of look you give to someone when you can discern love from sex. And while I’m telling you to protect yourself I can assure you Lexa will exploit it. She lives on that shit, because she’s lonely and she needs someone to love her, but she doesn’t know how to love you, us back. And I know you well enough to say that it will destroy you, she’ll destroy you.”“You should think about yourself, then. Shouldn’t you try to save yourself first if Lexa is such a bad person?” Clarke inquired, spooked by Anya’s concerns, untrusty.“It’s too late for me.” the other alpha sighed “I can’t say no to her.”Does that mean it was too late for her, too?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello people! Just a little something that has been stuck in my mind for quite some time! Unbetaed, all mistakes are mine! Read the tags! 2 or 3 shots, top!

Clarke had always been a tame alpha. 

 

There were more than one occasion in which she had been a little crazy, like that one time she had a naked pool bathe in the house of someone she really didn’t know or that time she and Nyilah had sex on a plane.

 

Still, Clarke always considered herself a pretty tame alpha. 

 

Until Lexa and Anya came along.

 

She and her girlfriend Nyilah had broken up and she had basically been kicked out of her own apartment and through a friend she had met Anya, another alpha that desperately needed a roommate. 

 

At first she was frightened of her. 

 

She was all glares and snarky remarks but as time flew by, she got used to the stares and she started to appreciate her goodlooks and dry sense of humor. 

 

She wasn’t the only one to appreciate that, because Anya had a very long list of fuck buddies and among those there was Lexa. 

 

Sometime she wished she had never met Lexa. 

 

A beautiful omega with an unhealthy love for thongs, red thongs and commitment fears. 

 

The first time she met Lexa, the girl had given her a crazy hard on. 

 

She was drinking a beer with the Blakes in her kitchen, while the omega padded her way out of Anya’s room in one of her red thongs and a Guns and Roses t-shirt and bended down to grab two beers from the fridge before disappearing back in the alpha’s room. 

 

She swore to God, she saw Octavia drool that day. 

 

All of this brought her to the point, Lexa, was no good both for her or Anya, because Lexa dragged out the worse, crazy and animalistic part out of the two alphas. 

 

Out of every alpha she met. 

 

Clarke couldn’t resist her from the first time her eyes had landed on her cold jaded eyes. 

 

If it wasn’t for her almost non-existent social life, and Anya incapacity of being on time, she would have never had to talk to Lexa that Friday night, and her heart would have been saved from the wrecking ball the omega was. 

 

“Hi?” she said opening the door.   
“Anya’s home?” the girl asked bored with her half lidded eyes, leaning on the door frame.

 

She looked like she had just woken up, like she was one of those girls that didn’t even need to wash their face or tame their hair to be effortlessly beautiful. 

 

The leather jacket and short shorts she was wearing gave her that bad girl look, Clarke loved in omegas. 

 

And her scent, God her scent, it was something addictive, all hearty and mighty like a forest enveloping you. 

 

She was so focused in staring she didn’t even hear her question, so the natural pouty lips of the girl turned a little upward and she finally heard the soft voice of the brunette. 

 

Did she really had to be this perfect? 

 

She was a walking bad idea and Clarke realized in that moment. 

 

“No, I think she’s still at the gym.” the alpha rushed to say, blushing furiously. 

 

The girl smirked, the most perfect smirk she had ever seen with those lips to die for, crooked upward on the right side. 

 

She knew the effect she had on alphas. 

 

And tame Clarke was the perfect prey. 

 

“I’ll wait for her.” she stated, entering the apartment, going straight for the couch “I’m Lexa by the way.” 

 

“Cl-Clarke.” the blonde stuttered out, now she understood the thongs, those shorts were so short that is she wore panties they’d show under them. 

 

“Uhm, do you want something to drink, maybe?” the blonde asked, her mother would kill her if she didn’t offer an omega in her house at least something to drink. 

 

If there was something the Griffins weren’t was rude.

 

“Vodka.” the girl said with her sleepy-bored velvety voice. 

 

“I, uhm, I don’t think we have much more than beer.” 

 

The brunette tsked standing up from the couch and going in the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets, until she found her liquor. 

 

“Anya loves to hide each of her depravity. I think it’s a lawyer thing, my dad used be like this.”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry?” Clarke said not knowing if there was an etiquette to answer at something like that. 

 

“Don’t be. I knew where he kept his stash.” Lexa smiled wickedly at her “Drink with me.” she ordered grabbing two glasses, sitting at the dining table. 

 

“I’m not much of drinker, actually.” she said sheepishly, but as soon as she saw the thin line her pouty lips had formed and the disappointment in her eyes, she retracted her statement “But, I guess I could drink, a glass.” 

 

“Good.” the girl’s demeanor changed in a blink, and she smiled satisfied. 

 

It was the first time the alpha found herself powerless to deny the omega’s request. 

 

It was a first of many.

 

After the brunette poured the two drinks, she asked “You’re not heading anywhere tonight, Clarke?” 

 

And the alpha almost came in her briefs at the sound of her name, exhaled by those beautiful lips, the click of her tongue against the roof of her mouth. She had never heard her name being pronounced like that. 

 

“You’re not american?” she blurted out of the blue. She was feeling a little too hot. 

 

“I’m Australian.” 

 

“My gran-grandma is Australian.” Clarke blurted out again, her head was spinning a little, intoxicated by the omega’s smell. 

 

“Good to know.” the girl smiled again, the alpha thought that her awkwardness amused her endlessly “You haven’t answered my question though.” 

 

Clarke only tilted her head at that, earning another amused smile “Where are you going tonight?” 

 

“Oh, nowhere actually.” she said shrugging. 

 

It was Lexa’s turn to tilt her head on the side, looking like a lost puppy. 

 

That expression fitted her better. 

 

“Uhm, I’m in that age, where all my friends are in a committed relationship and I really don’t want to be the seventh wheel, or have to make polite small talks to the random girl they brought to keep me company.” 

 

“I’m sorry.” Lexa gave her a sympathetic look. 

 

“I’m learning to appreciate my own company.” Clarke shrugged again, cleaning her glasses on her t-shirt. 

 

Her lenses had fogged up so much she could barely see. 

 

She should talk to Anya about raising up the AC.

 

And talking about the devil… 

 

Anya entered in the house, steam raising up from her overheated skin and a big gym bag hanging from her arm. 

 

Clarke swore to God she saw the other alpha glare more than usual and grind her teeth when she saw the two of them talking.

 

“Finally.” Lexa huffed annoyed to the other alpha. 

 

“Sorry, I’ve got caught up with an old friend.” Anya exhaled “I’ll change and we can go.” 

 

“Sure.” the omega said taking a big gulp of her drink “You should get changed as well.” she said gesturing to Clarke. 

 

“What?” both her and Anya asked surprised. 

 

“You’re coming along. Wear something nice.” Lexa said with her amused smile. 

 

“My car is broken, Lexa.” Anya said clenching her fists “I was going to take the bike.” 

 

“We’ll take a cab.” the brunette rebutted annoyed at Anya’s insistence. 

 

“Whatever.” the older alpha muttered, disappearing in her room. 

 

“I really don’t want to ruin your night, I’m fine by myself.”

 

“You won’t.” Lexa said stoic “You should know something about me, Clarke.” the omega said getting in her personal space, lowering her voice to a sultry and filthy whisper “I don’t like to be denied, I get upset when it happens. And I don’t think you want to see me upset.” 

 

Clarke gulped the little moisture left in her mouth and adjusted her glasses, before uttering “I’ll go get changed.” 

 

“Good girl.” Lexa purred in her ear, before letting the alpha run to her room. 

 

What the fuck is going on? she thought. 

 

…………… 

 

To survive the night and Lexa’s presence, Clarke thought she needed some liquid courage. A lot actually. 

 

Much more than what she’s had since college. 

 

It did indeed help her through the weirdness of her first night out with Lexa and Anya. 

 

Because it’s only when you’re so drunk you can barely stand that you think it’s normal, maybe fun, making out with your roommate’s fuckbuddy, or your roommate, in the middle of a club full of dancing people. 

 

Or grind shamelessly on said fuckbuddy, while your roommate does the same on her back side. 

 

Clarke hadn’t spend one second thinking about what they were doing. 

 

Anya didn’t either, just as drunk as her, and Lexa? 

 

She had no idea. 

 

The girl could hold double the drinks two adult alphas could. 

 

Looking back at that night Clarke wandered what the fuck was going on in Lexa’s head. 

 

Because from her few memories she realized that maybe, Lexa orchestrated all of this for herself. 

 

Anya was sure of it, she said she knew it all along, but just like Clarke her roommate was powerless in front of Lexa.

 

That was why when the tree of them were slumped on the couch back at Anya’s and Clarke’s place they felt content of being in the company of the hurricane called Lexa. 

 

“We should play never ever have I!” Lexa proposed with a wicked smile. 

 

“I’m too old for that shit, Lex.” Anya grumbled “Let’s just fuck and call it a night!” 

 

While Clarke chuckled at that, Lexa was putting three shot glasses on the coffee table and recovering the vodka. 

 

“Do you remember the rules, Clarke?” she asked soave. 

 

“Drink if you did, don’t if you didn’t.” the blonde said giggling “I’m not that old.” 

 

“You’re just a year, younger than me, lil’ fucker!” Anya said kicking her shin. 

 

“But I feel you beat everyone in the room when it comes down to mental age.” Clarke mocked her, earning a snort from Lexa and a glare from Anya. 

 

Once the omega was situated on the comfy armchair she said “I’ll start. Never ever have I had sex in a pool.” 

 

At that both her Anya drank, while Clarke only raised an eyebrow at them.

 

“We fucked in the ocean too.” the alpha smirked. 

 

“Nice.” the other alpha said a little jealous. 

 

They played a little, Clarke and Anya always tried to bring the game on less heavy topics but Lexa seemed adamant, and always asked about steamy stuff.

 

Anya the next day said that Lexa was bringing the game exactly where she wanted, when she asked “Never ever have I had sex with a partner of the same gender.” 

 

At that the only one that didn’t drink was Anya. 

 

Lexa was nicely surprised at that, again wearing her amused smile. 

 

“Now you owe us a story, Clarke.” she said seductively, intrigued by the blonde. 

 

If all the grinding at the club hadn’t already given her a boner, now she would have one for sure. 

 

“I’m bi, it’s not a big story, actually.” the alpha said shrugging. 

“The quiet ones are always full of surprises.” Lexa grinned, swear to God, the first full grin with teeth showing, in between all the allusive smirks “Do you want to know, what Anya most cherished and unfulfilled fantasy is, Clarke?” 

 

The alpha sent a quick glance to Anya, that was a statue glaring at Lexa but nodded nonetheless. 

 

“Lexa!” Anya barked as a warning, but was ignored by the brunette. 

 

“She wants to fuck another alpha.” the omega stood up, and took off her shirt, sitting on Anya’s lap, kissing her. 

 

Clarke watched the scene enraptured, not knowing if she should leave them alone. 

 

The only thing she knew for sure was that her cock was twitching in her pants.

 

“Maybe, I should…” she said ready to leave but Lexa cut her off, her half lidded eyes, were pitch black, shining with desire landing on Clarke’s form “Do you know what she said about you when you arrived?” 

 

“No.” Clarke rasped, dizzy and hornier than she’s ever been, while Anya seemed to have forgotten her existence, and was palming Lexa’s breast and kissing her neck. 

 

“She said she’d like to fuck you senseless.” the omega said with a sultry voice, grabbing Clarke’s neck to bring their lips together in a filthy kiss, Lexa didn’t waste time, she ravaged her mouth merciless, before licking the roof of her mouth, making Clarke melt in a shivering puddle. 

 

“Do you want that?” the omega exhaled, bumping their nose together sweetly. 

 

Clarke nodded, fervently. 

 

And Lexa brought together hers and Anya’s faces. 

 

At first it was hesitant, Anya, only pecked her once before Clarke grew some back bone and took charge of the kiss. 

 

She placed a confident hand on the other woman’s jaw and pressed her lips to hers. 

 

She kept the kiss chaste not pressuring the other alpha, only teasing her, until finally Anya couldn’t take it anymore and wound one of her hands in the blonde’s mane and kissed her senseless. 

 

When the two alphas needed air they remembered of the other occupant of the room. 

 

Clarke stared at Lexa’s lidded eyes, while the brunette was heaving, her ragged breath was getting more and more uneven. 

 

Clarke didn’t know what was happening, until her eyes travelled down the girl’s body and she saw the omega’s hand disappear behind her opened shorts and red thong. 

 

“Like, this, babe.” Anya encouraged hoarsely on her skin, slapping the girl’s ass forcefully.

 

Lexa moaned loudly at that, and increased the rhythm of her hips, until one last whimper escaped out of her mouth and she stilled, biting her plump lip and crashing her forehead on the couch back. 

 

Clarke hadn’t even realized that her hand was palming her own cock, until Lexa let out two long moans riding her aftershocks and it twitched and jumped begging to be released. 

 

“The first of many.” Lexa exhaled, out of breath looking directly in her blue eyes. 

 

“Bedroom.” Anya growled, standing up with Lexa in her arms, while the omega grabbed Clarke by her shirt collar to make her follow. 

 

The poor alpha almost tripped on the couch because Anya seemed to can’t wait one more second to fuck.

 

Lexa was literally thrown on the bed. 

 

Her smile never leaving her lips, while Anya was getting rid of her pants and boxers. 

 

The taller alpha was ready to attack Lexa, but was stopped by the omega. 

 

The girl pushed her back using one of her feet, and with a stern look she said “First Clarke.” 

 

The other alpha was content to just watch, that alone was the kinkiest thing she’s ever done, she didn’t really need to participate and considering Anya sheen look of terror, it was better if she didn’t. 

 

“We don’t need to do anything, if you don’t want to.” Clarke said throwing an admonishing look at Lexa, while Anya was stepping toward her. 

 

“Ohh, but she wants to.” the omega said smiling wickedly “She just needs to be coaxed.”

 

“Are you sure?” Clarke asked again, only to Anya. 

 

“Yeah, I want it.” the alpha recovered all of her confidence and kissed her, a little bit desperately with teeth clashing and tongues fighting. 

 

Clarke found herself panting and grinding on Anya’s thigh after only a few minutes, aided by the alpha’s hand on her ass. 

 

She couldn’t help but let out a loud pleasured whimper, for the alpha’s actions. 

 

Anya smirked back at her cockily, sucking on her neck, unbuttoning her pants. 

 

She made a fast work with them, making Clarke’s erection sprung free of its cage, throwing her clothes somewhere in the room. 

 

Anya kneeled in front of her and choked on a “Jesus fucking Christ.” 

 

While Lexa said “Now, that’s an interesting turn of events.” 

 

“Uhm, I…” Clarke tried to make some sense in her brain, but before she could, Anya had already encased her big, fat cock in her mouth. 

 

“Oh, God..” the blonde moaned trying to keep her hips still. 

 

She really didn’t want to choke Anya, and considering it was her first blow job, if Clarke got it right, she wouldn’t be prepared for that. 

 

Instead she locked her hand in the dirty blonde hair of the other alpha and guided her movements gently. 

 

“Yeah, like that…” Clarke moaned, while Anya was greedily sucking her cock, she didn’t even realize that Lexa had made her way behind her until her warm body was pressing into hers and her long fingers were gently caressing her knot. 

 

The alpha couldn’t help it and with the omega’s nips on her neck she gave a strong thrust into Anyas mouth, cuming down her throat with a loud howl. 

 

Anya hummed, and satisfied she stood up, to kiss Lexa and then Clarke. 

 

While her mouth was busy with Anya’s Lexa whispered hot and warm on her ear “You taste delicious.” before she started to unbutton her shirt. 

 

Anya got rid of her own t-shirt and bra and Clarke attacked her body with open mouthed kisses, gently sucking on her nipples, making the older alpha purr, loudly, while Lexa had left the two of them to go God knows where. 

 

Clarke was ready reciprocate the favor, but Anya stopped her. 

 

“I want to fuck you.” she breathed on her lips, before she nipped on them. 

 

Clarke nodded and Anya pushed her on the bed, she ground her hard length on her thigh, kissing her passionately. 

 

“I’ve brought condoms and lube.” Lexa came back smiling from ear to ear, wearing only her red thong.

 

She jumped on the bed, opening the foil paper with her teeth, putting the protection, only on the tip of Anya’s hard cock, before using her mouth to make it slide on her entire length. 

 

Anya groaned when she was done, and let the omega put the lube on her cock. 

 

The older alpha focused back on Clarke and gently kissed her one more time before ordering her to turn around. 

 

The blonde did as ordered, while Lexa insinuated herself under her, bringing her down for a kiss, while Anya was insinuating herself inside of her ass. 

 

The other alpha was gentle slowly sheeting her pride inside of Clarke, while Lexa was playing with her nipples and sucking on her neck. 

 

Her breath grew ragged relatively at Anya’s growing confidence and pace. 

 

Anya’s cock was amazing, long but lean and extremely hard. 

 

She could feel her cock grow hard again, but before she could cum again, Anya was screaming her name and biting her shoulder, with hard and fast thrusts inside of her. 

 

Before pulling out, the older alpha started to shower her with affection, something she could not believe coming from Anya. 

 

“It was amazing.” she breathed on her ear, in between kisses on her neck and shoulder letting her entire weight on Clarke and holding her close, while Lexa was sucking on her tits. 

 

She liked post coitus Anya. 

 

“Do you want me to make you finish?” she asked grabbing her hard length, starting to massage her knot. 

 

“Yeah..” was the only thing Clarke managed to rasp out.

 

“It’s my turn.” Lexa said, shoving Anya’s hand away. 

 

Anya only grunted at her, pulling out her cock, making Clarke whine for the loss, before collapsing near them. 

 

The younger alpha, now freer in her movements, grabbed her own length, ready to fuck Lexa, but was stopped by the omega. 

 

“Wear the condom.” she commanded soave. 

 

“I can pull out.” the alpha rebutted, she was too horny to wait one more second. 

 

Lexa reversed their position, to be on top, kissing the blonde hard to make her shut up. 

 

“I’m on the pill.” she purred, when Clarke tried to speak she put a finger on her lips “But you don’t know who else I fuck, so you’d better be a good girl and do as I say.” 

 

Clarke nodded at that. She was barely listening, to speak out the truth, she just wanted to cum, so she let Lexa do whatever she wanted. 

 

After Lexa placed the condom under Anya’s watchful eye, she impaled herself in one swift move. 

 

Her nails scratched Clarke’s skin, on the shoulder, while the alpha was trying not to cum, right away. 

 

The girl was tight, she doesn’t even remember when was the last time she had fucked a girl with a pussy so tight. 

 

She was sure it was the first time she was fucking such a wild omega. 

 

A girl that knew what she wanted, and get it for herself. 

 

She loved how Lexa pounded on top of her, making her cock disappear before Clarke could see almost its entire form again. 

 

And when Lexa started to massage her own tits with one hand and rub her clit with the other Clarke was ready to finally cum, but before she could, Lexa was on all four and that fucker of Anya was mounting the omega. 

 

Clarke had growled a total of nine times in her life and seven of them happened after she had met Lexa and Anya. 

 

The first was when Anya was making Lexa cum instead of her, after she had done most of the work. 

 

The beautiful brunette, shaking and whimpering on top her while Anya was riding her aftershocks. 

 

Clarke pressed two finger on her clit to prolong her orgasm, it wasn’t her fault if Anya was an asshole. 

 

And Lexa bit her, she bit her, for fucks sake. 

 

It was on her shoulder, thankfully, but still she draw blood, and it turned her on so fucking much, that as soon Anya pulled out of Lexa, Clarke pushed the girl on her back and started to fuck her merciless. 

 

It didn’t take long for the alpha to make the omega cum, again while the girl was screaming her name over and over again and the blonde repaid her in kind biting her shoulder. 

 

She didn’t draw blood, but she was sure she had left a pretty big bruise, while she was thrashing and cumming in the condom. 

 

The three of them cuddled for quite some time after Clarke told Anya she hated her, only earning a smirk and Lexa clung to her like a needy koala. 

 

She liked post coitus Lexa as well. 

 

…………

 

When Clarke woke up, the bed was empty. 

 

She was the only one left in it. 

 

She had managed to make run away two sexuals partner in one go. 

 

Was she that bad? 

 

It was too early to let depression bring her down and remember Niylah abnormally deep voice, so she groaned and turned around trying to fall asleep again. 

 

She couldn’t seem to do that, because Anya had decided to barge into the room. 

 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Griffin, are you seriously still sleeping in my fucking bed?” 

 

“Not anymore.” Clarke grumbled, rightfully annoyed. 

 

“Get dressed we need to talk.” 

 

Clarke waited ten minutes before recovering her clothes around the room, only to annoy Anya. 

 

“You made me food?” the younger alpha asked shocked, looking at a plate full of scrambled eggs and sausages “Why?” 

 

“I was trying to be nice.” Anya huffed, turning around, trying to hide the blush, that Clarke saw. 

 

“That’s nice, An. Thanks.” 

 

“Ok. Just don’t mention it ever again.” she grumbled sitting down next to Clarke “Uhm, we need to talk about Lexa, though.” 

 

“Uhm, yeah sure, What about her?” 

 

“Clarke.” Anya sighed “I don’t even know where to begin to explain the complicated creature that Lexa is. I seriously don’t think I even know that. And I’m the closest thing she has to a friend? Lover? I don’t know. But I wanted to tell you to be careful, Clarke.” 

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“I mean that she’s dangerous.” Anya said stoic “She’s dangerous for an alpha like you. Clarke, you are one of the good ones. You’re kind and so full of hope for the future, Jeez, you’re almost thirty and you still feel the joy of living, it’s not normal. Sorry I’m digressing. What I’m trying to say is, that Lexa isn’t the relationship kind of omega and that you shouldn’t get attached to her.” 

 

“We had a three some last night Anya, I kind of understood that.” 

 

“No, you didn’t.” the older alpha admonished her “You gave her that look, you gave me that look. Clarke, I like you, I really do, but if you care about your sanity I’d suggest you to stay away from me and Lexa.” 

 

“What look are you talking about Anya? What’s wrong with you?” 

 

“Like we matter, Clarke. You gave us that look, it’s not the kind of look you give to someone when you can discern love from sex. And while I’m telling you to protect yourself I can assure you Lexa will exploit it. She lives on that shit, because she’s lonely and she needs someone to love her, but she doesn’t know how to love you, us back. And I know you well enough to say that it will destroy you, she’ll destroy you.” 

 

“You should think about yourself, then. Shouldn’t you try to save yourself first if Lexa is such a bad person?” Clarke inquired, spooked by Anya’s concerns, untrusty. 

 

“It’s too late for me.” the other alpha sighed “I can’t say no to her.” 

 

Does that mean it was too late for her, too?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just getting weirder and weirder. Will it make sense, in the end? Let me know if it'll ever will!:)

Anya had been weird since the threesome, only when Lexa came over she hung out with Clarke. 

 

It’s not like before they were besties, but Anya didn’t ran away, every time the other alpha was in the room. 

 

And Lexa.. 

 

Lexa was still infuriating beautiful, magnificently scented and sinfully hot. 

 

She dragged the two alphas at parties on the beach, full of pups, in beautiful penthouses where a bodyguard wouldn’t let you in if you weren’t wearing a suit or a dress, unless you were Lexa and they’d just drool nodding. 

 

The omega knew every kind of alpha, she had bewitched each one of them while other omegas hated her, if they weren’t as intrigued as the alphas and betas. 

 

Clarke wanted to scream at them, how could they not love such a beautiful creature.

 

Clarke wanted to growl at other alphas and beat her fists on her chest when she saw them touch the omega like they shouldn’t. 

 

She realized pretty soon, it was jealousy, Anya gave her a bitter smile when she opened up to her, the only one that could understand how Lexa made her feel. 

 

She wanted to understand the enigma this girl was, so bad. 

 

She wanted to cure the hollow expression her features formed every time a party was over, every time the bonfire was extinguished and what was left were just open beer cans and the hard light of the day was rearing its ugly face. 

 

She remember that morning as the first symptom of Lexa’s disease. 

 

“Make love to me.” she ordered to the two alphas. 

 

And obediently she and Anya took turns at loving her on the beach, thoroughly, loving each inch of her body, gently as the lazy waves of the ocean that were wetting their feet. 

 

Clarke hoped she could heal Lexa’s emptiness with just that. 

 

………..

 

Clarke started to believe that Anya was just a knothead. 

 

The other alpha when Lexa wasn’t around fucked everything that moved. 

 

She tried with her too, one night, and she batted the older blonde’s hands away, with a scowl. 

 

“You’re so stupid, Clarke.” was all that Anya said before grabbing her phone and calling one of her numerous fuckbuddy. 

 

She was seriously offended and so indignant that night, that she didn’t talk to Anya for an entire week, unless Lexa was there. 

 

And Lexa was there almost every night, and Anya kept calling her stupid, even if Clarke just kept ignoring her. 

 

Lexa was amused by it obviously and when Clarke snapped at Anya she scolded the older alpha so much that Clarke was sure she was on the brink of tears, she felt incredibly satisfied with a twisted smirk on her face and Lexa on her lap. She was ashamed to admit it the next day, when Lexa was no longer there. She had never acted like this, like a child that enjoyed other’s misfortune. 

 

What was happening to her? 

 

She didn’t want to think about it and instead focused on work, waiting for Lexa to pop out of nowhere again. 

 

It had been a week since the girl last showed her face and Clarke was getting anxious, she was worried for the girl and deep down, in an hidden part of her brain she was angry because the omega didn’t tell her where she was, who she was with, what she was doing. 

 

Clarke was so very stupid. 

 

Because she was jealous of the imaginary alpha’s that were spending time with her Lexa. 

 

She even stopped getting angry when Anya told her she was stupid, only nodding along agreeing. 

 

“How do you do it?” Clarke asked Anya, one night while the two alphas were drinking a beer and watching bad tv. It was weird but it didn’t feel right to have sex without Lexa around. 

 

“I fuck around lying to myself, saying I don’t care.” she sighed defeated “Then I cry myself to sleep and text her that I love her, begging her to come back or just answer me.” 

“Healthy.” 

 

“At least I’m not frustrated and jerk off in the shower every morning.” Anya sneered at her. 

 

“I don’t want anybody else.” 

 

“You are so stupid.” 

 

“I know.” Clarke sighed “How long have you known her?” 

 

“Almost five years.” Anya sighed “And not even once I woke up next to her.” 

 

The younger alpha only raised a brow at her. 

 

“I don’t know how I managed to let her walk all over me this entire time. But then she comes back like nothing has ever happened and I just feel like.. I feel so good, I don’t care that she’s not mine. I don’t care that she’s fucked half of the football team of some nearby college while I was desperate for her to come back.” 

 

Clarke gasped, angry and disheveled at the sametime. 

 

“What the fuck do you think she’s doing right now?” Anya mocked her. 

 

“I don’t want to know.” the younger alpha sighed. 

 

“Me neither.” Anya let a few heartbeats of silence pass before speaking again “Sometimes I wish I was a guy, at least she would have left me alone.” 

 

“She doesn’t sleep with men?” 

 

“Nope.” she popped the p of the word “Others I wish, I’ve never met her father and that I’ve never worked for him.” 

 

“You know her father?!” Clarke asked astonished “How is he like?” she couldn’t help but bring up that little she had studied of psychoanalysis to help her understand Lexa better. 

 

“He’s tired. He’s always sleepy and he loves Lexa, he loves her so much. He gives her anything she wants and begs her to have dinner with him or spend the holidays back home.” 

 

“What about her mum?” 

 

“She died giving birth to her. He says they look so alike.” 

 

“What’s wrong with her?” 

 

“I don’t think she’s ok in the head, a doctor once said he thinks she’s depressed. But I dunno, she’s got an happy life or so her father told me. Shouldn’t there be something bad that happened to make her feel sad?” 

 

“Some people are just sad.” Clarke sighed, chronic depression was something that existed, nothing bad behind the disease, some say it was genetic, some called the illness of living “You think she does this to feel good.” 

 

“I think she feels better when someone loves her, when she has someone to come back home to.” 

 

“But she doesn’t feel good.” 

 

“Just better.” 

 

When did the word better became such a sad word in Clarke’s head? 

 

……….. 

 

Anya spent more time with her and less fucking around, staying home, and agreeing to go out with her and her friends, sometimes. 

 

Clarke didn’t tell to anyone who Lexa was, and she was not expecting to hear anything from her that evening, but fate had other ideas. 

 

She and Anya were at a booth seated in front of two couples, Lincoln and Octavia and Bellamy and Raven. 

 

It was a brasserie, one of those new fancy places where you could eat finger food with a very expensive beer. 

 

Clarke, with two beer in had already pink cheeks and dizzy head. 

 

Thankfully Anya was driving and she didn’t have to think about it. 

 

Raven kept asking them when they’d officialize their relationship, she kept saying they were too old for being fuckbuddies and needed to get their shit together. 

 

She got everything wrong.

 

If she only knew about Lexa… 

 

Well she was about to meet her, kind of. 

 

A loud crash was heard from behind them, they all turned to look, what happened.

 

Maybe a glass has slipped out of a waitress’ hands. 

 

It wasn’t. A bulky female alpha was holding a brunette, by the collar of her shirt and that woman slapped the girl, in front of the whole pub, screaming like an animal. 

 

Anya was already on her feet to go teach a lesson to the woman, when the girl pushed her back and kicked the bulky alpha in the nuts, turning around to run for the exit. 

 

It was then that Anya realized, it was Lexa. 

 

She barked to Clarke to run after her, while she was already throwing the first punch in the face of the unknown alpha. 

 

The hospital was about to have a new guest tonight. 

 

But it wasn’t what concerned her now, Lexa did. 

 

And she ran after her, the omega was fast and her lungs burning. 

 

They didn’t matter, what mattered was Lexa, and she almost tackled her to the ground once she grabbed her. 

 

The girl was ready for a fight and thrashed and fought viciously, thinking it was someone else, someone mad, and not the good alpha. 

 

“Stop! Lexa! It’s me, smell!” Clarke ordered showing her throat to a Lexa she’d never want to see again. 

 

“Clarke!” she sobbed “It’s you!” 

 

“Yeah, it’s me, Lex.” she smiled to the omega. 

 

“I’m sorry.” she said before kissing her gland. 

 

She wondered how they looked to the ongoing passers. A grown up alpha, clutching to an omega, a girl, for dear life. 

 

“Is everything ok, miss?” one of the passers asked concerned, after the scene they caused, it was understandable. 

 

“Fuck off!” Clarke growled to him, while Lexa said “Yeah. I’m fine. She’s Clarke. I’m fine.” 

 

The man, a beta gave them a concerned look but nodded confused and went on with his life. 

 

Just one of the many strangeness of the city, he must be used to it. 

 

“What happened, my love?” she’ll hate that word for so long after it, that she’ll never regret to have said it with a light heart, one last time. 

 

“I was with a beta, a coward.” she grimaced “The alpha hit on me. I didn’t like her. So I told her to fuck off and she got mad at me. Fucking bitch. I thought she came after me.” she added a little sheepish, sorry for the bruised that will appear on the alpha’s shins. 

 

“Don’t worry about it, Anya’s taking care of her.” 

 

“Good. That’s good.” Lexa smiled wickedly at her “And you’ll take care of me?” 

 

“Yes.” Clarke agreed right away. 

 

“I want Anya, too.” 

 

“She’ll come as soon as she’s done, don’t worry.” Clarke held her tighter to her chest, bringing their mouth together “I’m so glad you’re ok.” she whispered on her lips.

 

“I’m so glad you found me.” Lexa said intertwining her hands in her locks, bringing their lips together again, burning her heart with the passion of a kiss. 

 

Clarke stopped to give a shit about the passers thoughts that second. 

 

“Clarke?!” Bellamy and Raven exclaimed at the same time. 

 

The alpha tried to break the kiss, but Lexa was so needy that she thought her friends could wait, they could wait forever if Lexa was kissing her like that. 

 

Only when Lexa heard, Anya bark her name she let Clarke breath throwing herself in the arms of the other alpha, to give her the same treatment. 

 

Her friends looked bewildered from her to Anya and Lexa a couple of times. 

 

“That’s Lexa.” Clarke said sheepishly after she’d cleared her throat. 

 

“What the fuck?!” Octavia asked, shocked, almost pretending an explanation. 

 

“Uhm.. I” Clarke started but was cut off by Anya “We need to go.” she barked “I can’t be found by the cops.” she said starting to drag Lexa after her “You’re coming with us, little shit.” 

 

As if the omega had reacquired all of her mischievousness in one moment, she smirked and waved at her friends, following Anya. 

 

“I’ll tell you everything, another time. I need to go.” Clarke said already running after Anya and Lexa. 

 

………….

 

If Clarke knew something about Anya was that she wasn’t soft. 

 

She was a woman of logic, some called her a shark, that only understood clean cut lines. 

 

She worked with patterns and she thought life was a pattern, that people worked like her, with patterns. 

 

Anya never let anything break her pattern, well except for Lexa. 

 

But she always found comfort in what she thought were Lexa’s patterns. 

 

Because in five years in which they knew each other, she and the omega had always fucked when they were together. 

 

But not that night. 

 

That night when Anya kissed her hotly and feverishly, Lexa pushed her back with a scowl and a yawn. 

 

She took off her pants and tucked herself in the middle of Anya’s bed. 

 

Anya and Clarke changed in their pajamas, and went on with their bed routine, until Anya was climbing in bed behind Lexa and Clarke was kissing her goodnight, ready to retreat to her own room. 

 

She was a polite alpha, and Anya never invited her to spend the night, but Lexa clutched at her tank top and commanded her to stay. 

 

A quick glance at Anya and a nod later, Clarke was under the other’s alpha blankets with the two most important people in her life. 

 

………..

 

Lexa stayed, and it surprised her, it surprised Anya too. 

 

She stayed and she made breakfast dancing with loud music at an ungoldy hour in the morning. 

 

A neighbor even knocked on the door to ask them to turn it down. She heard from the bed that Lexa told him to fuck off, before she slammed the door in his face. 

 

“For fucks sake.” Anya sighed from near her, before getting up and at least put the volume on minimum. 

 

Clarke wanted to sleep more, she had been up for too long, she deserved some sleep, but the prospect of finding Lexa still here was too exciting for her to sleep through it. 

 

She padded her way to the kitchen and found Anya and Lexa in the middle of a make out session, and Lexa’s hands already in the other alpha’s boxers. 

 

She cleared her throat, she wanted some attention from the brunette as well. 

 

Lexa left Anya to kiss Clarke, and while the older alpha glared the younger one was palming the omega’s ass.

 

She may or may have not ground her morning wood on her thigh as well. 

 

“I made you breakfast.” the brunette said biting her lip, ready to put an hand in her boxers. 

 

“We’d better eat before it gets cold, then.” Clarke said, after she earned a particular cruel glare from Anya. 

 

The other alpha didn’t appreciate that Clarke stole her moment with Lexa. 

 

Anya seemed a little wary, she played with her scrambled eggs and perfectly crispy bacon. 

 

“You don’t trust my cuisine?” Lexa asked amused. 

 

“I’ve never saw you cook in my life, Lex. Pardon me if I’m not sure, it’ll kill me or not.” 

 

“You’re so dramatic, An.” the omega said rolling her eyes.

 

“I’m sure it’ll taste good.” Clarke said drooling on her food, before diving in. 

 

She could not believe it but it was fantastic. The best eggs and bacon she’s ever had, not even her mother’s could compare. 

 

“Soo gofd.” she said with her mouth full, inviting Anya to follow her lead. 

 

After a sigh she did, and surprised asked to Lexa “Where the hell did you learn to cook? I thought you only knew how to make a joint and give blow jobs.” 

 

“My nanny thought, me. Fucker.” Lexa said glaring at Anya. 

 

“There’s always something new with you, I guess.” the older alpha smiled at the omega. 

 

“You can bet your ass, there is!” Lexa grinned and Clarke almost choked on her food having lost control over each of her muscles. 

 

After she was saved by a giggling Lexa and her lungs were breathing air again and not bacon, the brunette asked “When are you going to go work?”

 

“I still got an hour and a half before I have to go.” Anya said stretching her arms over her head. 

 

“I have to be back at the hospital on Monday.” 

 

“Why do you have to go to the hospital?” Lexa asked with a deep frown, twisting her eyebrow. 

 

“I’m a doctor, Lex.” Clarke chuckled, at her shocked expression. 

 

“What’s your last name?” Lexa asked out of the blue. 

 

“It’s written on the doorbell.” Clarke stated a little hurt, they had known each other for months now, Clarke knew Lexa’s whole name, Alexandria Meredith Woods and only now Lexa was asking for her last name? Seriously? IT’S WRITTEN ON THE FUCKING DOORBELL. 

 

“I’ve never read what’s written on the doorbell.” she said shrugging, while Anya was snickering on the other side of the table. 

 

“Griffin.” Clarke said sighing. 

 

“I like it.” Lexa said pecking her lips. 

 

“Thanks?” Clarke said earning another chuckle from Lexa, before the girl took off her t-shirt and declared she was going to shower, leaving the two alphas alone. 

 

They looked in each other’s eyes and before Clarke could even understand what was happening Anya was running after the omega. 

 

“Asshole.” Clarke grumbled under her breath when she had to wait for Lexa to open the door of the bathroom to let her join their shower.. 

 

……….

 

Lexa stayed. 

 

She stayed, and it surprised both Anya and Clarke. 

 

But they’d never say that to the omega, they didn’t want to spook her, they didn’t want her to leave, they’d never want her to leave. 

 

She stayed inside for an entire week, not even her nose saw direct daylight. 

 

It brought a weird sense of comfort to Clarke. 

 

It wasn’t normal, it wasn’t what a functional human being did, but Clarke was happy, because it meant Lexa was there, she was there waiting for her to come home. 

 

And she was cooking, and Clarke loved everything she cooked and she loved Lexa, she loved to comment her favorite tv series and she loved to comment books with Lexa. 

 

She learned that the omega loved to read, and her bookcase was raided by the girl, that always forgot to put the books back to their rightful place. 

 

She would never admit it, but she loved to hunt for her books in the house, just because it was Lexa that left those around. 

 

And even if she shared Lexa with Anya, she didn’t care. She didn’t care what it took as long as Lexa was staying. 

 

Anya had become an important figure in her life as well. 

 

She loved Anya, she really loved her, but not like she loved Lexa. 

 

She was more like a friend than a lover.

 

Yes, they had sex together but only if Lexa was around. It didn’t work without her. 

 

It felt like Anya had become the only one that knew her, every little dark secret or thought she knew it, and weirdly enough Clarke knew Anya just as well.

 

And Anya loved Lexa, she loved her with all of her heart and Lexa loved Anya, so how could Clarke ask for Lexa to forget Anya? 

 

She couldn’t and she never did. 

 

And Anya never asked Lexa to get rid of Clarke. 

 

It was a weird agreement, but if it worked for Lexa. If Lexa was happy like this, Clarke was happy. 

 

It was much better than what they had before. 

 

Better had started to sound happier in her head, again.

 

……….

 

One day Lexa strolled back in the apartment, she demanded Anya’s credit card to go grocery shopping, and after a few growls the alpha gave it up. The omega, with one hand held a newspaper and with the other the bag with her grocery. 

 

“I want to find a job.” she proclaimed. 

 

“You don’t need a job.” Anya sighed, looking for her credit card. 

 

“I don’t want your money, Anya.” Lexa glared at her. 

 

“I was talking about you father’s money actually.” 

 

“I don’t want his money either. I want my money. And we’re in the twenty-first century, I’m allowed to have a job Anya.”

 

“I’m just saying you don’t need one. If I’d got the chance to not work I would take it. I’m just saying that.” 

 

Clarke kind of agreed with Anya. 

 

“But I’m bored!” Lexa exhaled. 

 

“The yoga class at my gym has just started, I can put you in it, if you want.” 

 

“You seriously sound like an alpha chauvinist now, you know?” 

 

“I do?” 

 

“You sound like your father.” Lexa deadpanned, while Anya shivered.

 

“Let’s look for a job, then!” the older alpha said with faux happiness reaching for the newspaper. 

 

“What did you graduate in?” Clarke asked from behind Anya, trying to read the job advertisement. 

 

“Nothing.” Lexa shrugged. 

 

“She’s barely finished high school.” 

 

“Why?” Clarke knew Lexa was a smart, smart girl, she didn’t understand why with all the possibilities she had to study, she didn’t. 

 

“I don’t like when people tell me what to do.” Lexa said annoyed. 

 

It was kind of an obvious reason, if Clarke thought about it.

 

“Ok, so what would you like to do?” the younger blonde asked. 

 

“President of the world.” Lexa grinned, while Anya face palmed herself. 

 

“Be serious Lex.” Clarke admonished. 

 

“Something with people, I guess. I’m good with them, and I like knowing new people, it makes everything more exciting!” 

 

“Uhm.. What do you think about bartender?” Anya proposed “There’s also alcohol, one of your great love.” 

 

“Sounds great!” Lexa beamed. 

 

…………

 

The bartender thing didn’t last long. 

 

Lexa hated to be told what to do and hated to serve people. 

 

She also talked back to her boss and clients. 

 

And no matter how much her boss drooled after her, she was bad for business. 

 

There was also to consider that Lexa didn’t let her anywhere near her pants. 

 

Something that made both Anya and Clarke very giddy. 

 

It meant Lexa only fucked them, it also meant that they started to have unprotected sex. 

 

Clarke was very ashamed of her first performance the first time Lexa let her cum inside of her. 

 

But the omega was so loving after that Clarke didn’t care about it. 

 

Anya obviously made fun of her, but she gladly remembered her that Anya didn’t finish her job the first time they had sex. 

 

Also Clarke had learned to control herself better and alway made sure to make Lexa cum before of her. 

 

Lexa kept lamenting, saying she was bored, though. 

 

So Clarke decided to give a call to Wells. 

 

Her childhood friend owned a bakery not too far from the house, it was also a coffee shop, where you could eat a sweet breakfast and drink good coffee. 

 

The sweets were all homemade, and he needed a new baker, he was too busy to bake and keep accounting, so Clarke thought it would be good for Lexa. 

 

Lexa liked to cook, she always did, also leaving a mountain of dishes to clean for her and Anya, so she guessed it could be a good arrangement. 

 

She needed to talk to Wells, first though. To make him understand that Lexa was special, that she was special to her. 

 

“She’s weird, Wells.” Clarke said without many words, if her friend had to hire her, she’d give him all of the information. 

 

“Uhm, I don’t understand.” 

 

“Me neither.” Clarke sighed sipping her coffee and putting her shades back on her nose “But she’s like this, and I want to make her happy. Can you just give it a try. I’m sure you’ll like her.” 

 

The blonde was very happy that Wells was a man, too. 

 

“I’m not sure of what you’re talking about, but I guess I can try?” 

 

“Thanks, Wells! You’re the best!” Clarke hugged awkwardly her friend over the little table that separated the two of them “Just hide all the alcohol you have inside.” 

 

“I need it to make some cakes. I can’t hide it.” 

 

“Just do as I say, and keep an eye on her when she uses it.” 

 

“This is all just so weird.” he sighed. 

 

“You’d better get used to it.” 

 

……..

 

Lexa was so happy when she told her. 

 

She jumped and hugged her, kissed her and made love to her, while Anya was grumbling under her breath. 

 

Take that! Shower revenge! 

 

“I want to buy the floppy hat.” she declared the next morning. 

 

“Wells is going to give it to you. He’ll give you the jacket too.” 

 

“Good.” she smiled satisfied “Do you work today?” 

 

With Clarke’s constant changing shifts Lexa had given up learning when she was home and when she wasn’t. 

 

The omega said that every time she came home and found out that the alpha was back, it was a surprise, a good surprise. 

 

Lexa didn’t like surprises very much, but she told her she liked that one. 

 

“Nope.” Clarke said smiling “I’ll be here waiting for you.” 

 

“I know that barbie is your hero now, but can I please have a kiss before I have to go to work.” Anya said putting her shirt in her pants. 

 

“If I have to.” Lexa said rolling her eyes, trying to hide her amused smirk. 

 

“Come here, you little shit!” Anya said jumping on Lexa to get what she asked, and Lexa was smiling from ear to ear grinning, and Clarke stared at them happy, even if the girl she loved was kissing someone else. 

 

She didn’t care if she was happy.

 

After Anya was done and left, Lexa ordered Clarke to get dressed. She wanted the doctor to drive her at work. 

 

Clarke didn’t even pretend to put up a fight, she just did. 

 

She’s got to spend time with the girl she loved, after four days and three nights spent apart. 

 

She didn’t care if she desperately needed sleep, so she drove Lexa to work. 

 

“I want you to stay with me.” she asked with her big green shining eyes. 

 

“Babe, this is work, I can’t come inside and be with you the whole time. You have to do this alone.” 

 

“Clarke.” she only said her name, with an hard click of her tongue, disappointed eyes, and a slight grimace and Clarke, Clarke was already out of the car, ready to beg Wells to let her stay, while Lexa strolled after her, happily following. 

 

“I know it’s weird, but she wanted me to stay, please Wells. I’m begging you!” 

 

“She’s got to work, not play! It’s a miracle I haven’t fired her, yet, for what you’re asking me!” 

 

“I know.” Clarke sighed “But I can’t say no to her. Her face gets so weird and she frowns a lot when I say no and I don’t want to let her down, please, please Wells let me stay.” 

 

Wells sighed, looking at her warily, probably waging her own mental sanity “Fine.” he said “I don’t really know what the fuck am I doing.” he grumbled “But as soon as she fucks up she’s out! Got it?” 

 

“She won’t I promise!”

 

………..

 

To her surprise Lexa didn’t fuck up. 

 

Maybe it was a little mean of her to think that Lexa was not going to make it, but after Wells explained her how the machines worked and gave Lexa the recipes the girl started to work with a surgeon’s accuracy. 

 

Each of her doses were weighted to perfection. 

 

And she always made a little version of the cake for when she’s have to cook them, so she could see if it was done. 

 

She always took a little bite and then gave the rest to Clarke, that stuffed her face with it, shamelessly. 

 

Lexa wasn’t just an amazing cook, she was also an amazing baker. 

 

It was weird but Clarke spent the whole day in silence looking at Lexa. She was just happy to look at her while Lexa worked ignoring her. 

 

She really didn’t get why she had to stay, but she was getting free sweets out of it and Lexa was wearing the short shorts she wore the first night they went out together and the jacket didn’t cover her ass, so to say that Clarke was content might have been an euphemism. 

 

…………

 

“Do you want me to stay today as well?” Clarke asked caressing her long chestnut locks.

 

Anya’s alarm blasted in the room, less than half an hour ago and as the alpha went on with her morning routine, Clarke and Lexa were cuddling in the bed. 

 

The omega had to wake up an hour later than Anya, and said it would be useless to fall asleep again, so she forced Clarke to keep her company while she waited for her own alarm. 

 

“No.” Lexa said placidly, nibbling on her neck “And you need to sleep.” 

 

“I don’t mind.” Clarke said smiling. 

 

“I don’t need you to come, today.” Lexa said with a stern face, ending their discussion, before it even started. 

 

“Ok.” the alpha sighed, gently caressing her belly, going lower every time her hand descended, while Lexa with her half lidded yes and her lower lip securely tucked between her teeth waited for her to touch her where she wanted. 

 

“Why did you wanted me to stay, yesterday?” 

 

At that Lexa re-moved the alpha’s hand from her body, to lace their fingers together. 

 

“You comfort me.” she whispered, tucking her nose in the crook of the blonde’s neck “Your smell makes me calm.” 

 

“You were nervous.” Clarke stated, waiting for the omega to say her reasons, encasing her in her strong arms. 

 

“I wanted that job.” Lexa pushed herself closer, if possible “It makes me feel good when people eat what I make. I’m not useless when they do.” 

 

“Lex, you’r…” Clarke was cut off by Lexa’s lips. 

 

“I don’t want to talk anymore.” she said with soft eyes, her lips a little open and as plump as every morning. 

 

Clarke wanted to reject her, and to talk “Lex.. Why don..” 

 

“Make love to me.” she ordered. 

 

Clarke really wanted to reject her, to say no to that beautiful creature for once, because it would’ve been for the best. 

 

She still wonder what would have happened if for once she didn’t second Lexa, if she’d been strong enough. 

 

She wondered if she could have slayed some of her demons. 

 

If she’d made her talk, maybe she wouldn’t have left. She would’ve stayed. 

 

But Clarke was too weak and powerless in front of Lexa, and simply put a band aid on a gunshot wound. 

 

……….

 

Lexa stayed.

 

And it surprised Clarke, it surprised everyday, when she opened her eyes and the omega was in her arms.

 

And Anya’s

 

Because days, turned into weeks and weeks into months. 

 

Into months. 

 

Months almost turned into years. 

 

Almost. 

 

Wells learned to love Lexa, platonically. 

 

Clarke made sure to always remind him. 

 

She was never going to share Lexa with someone else. 

 

She already had to deal with Anya.

 

And Wells reminded her he was married and had two pups, and no interest in the girl. 

 

Clarke thought that his friend thought of Lexa as another of his child, and she was so happy for that.

 

Lexa needed people to love her, she needed people to love her for who she was, deep down. 

 

Not for the shiny omega they saw at parties.

 

And Clarke loved Wells for that, for giving a safe place to Lexa.

 

He also started to compliment her, saying that he’s never seen a better baker. 

 

And Lexa walked with her chest puffed and pep in her steps for weeks after he did. 

 

Those nights she took her and Anya’s hand and brought them to dance the whole night long, somewhere in the city.

 

Lexa loved her job and flourished in her kingdom, making Wells buy a new place, because Lexa was more than enough to take care of the one he already owned. 

 

There was just one thing that Lexa couldn’t do, deal with money. 

 

She was the kind of person that would give to a homeless man a thousand box, if asked to. 

 

Anya never gave her, her credit card again when she found out what Lexa did and Clarke hid hers. 

 

They’d end up broke in less than a month if they’d let Lexa touch them. 

 

So he looked out for a new accountant. 

 

Lexa proposed Anya. 

 

“I’m a lawyer, Lex.” she reminded her. 

 

“Then you should be able to keep accountancy, it’s no Harvard law school.” 

 

“Princeton.” Anya growled. 

 

“The same.” Lexa shrugged “If you’d take this job, you wouldn’t have to travel away from me.” 

 

“I’m about to be promoted, Lex.” Anya sighed “We’ve been over this thousands of time!” 

 

Clarke hated when they talked about this topic, Lexa’s face would scrunch up, like she had just sucked a lemon and she’d start glaring at everything and everybody and then ask her to side up with her. 

 

She had nothing to do with it and she wanted nothing to do with Anya’s career. 

 

It was the only thing that Anya didn’t Lexa dictate in her life. 

 

And Clarke respected her for it. 

 

If Lexa asked her to quit her job and go live with her under a bridge, Clarke would. 

 

“You’ll work more and have less time for me, I don’t want that!” 

 

“That’s where you’re wrong.” Anya smirked “I’ll work less, and earn more.” She put an hand near her belly and one over her head “That’s how much more I’m going to make!” 

 

“I don’t care about money, Anya. I want you to stay with me!” Lexa said stubborn. 

 

“And I want my pups to go to college!” Anya snapped. 

 

At that Clarke saw Lexa’s pure look of horror, sheen terror shined in her eyes, before she was running down the stairs, chased by the two alphas. 

 

Clarke would have slammed the other alpha’s head in the fridge if she wasn’t such a non violent person. 

 

They didn’t see Lexa for four days. 

 

The brunette left the phone home, and made all of her traces disappear. 

 

They had no idea on how to contact her, and Clarke was already thrown out of the police station, after she threw a fit, because she couldn’t file a missing person report. 

 

She was a nobody, she wasn’t blood related or married to Lexa. 

 

She even waited outside her workplace and contacted Wells. 

 

He said she called to let him know she was sick and wouldn’t show up for a few days. 

 

Clarke just wanted to cry, she had Lexa, she had her between her fingers and she let her slip away. 

 

If only she was faster, if she had run harder, if her lungs didn’t burn so much or screamed louder. 

 

If only… 

 

And then Anya left for her trip, with her tail between her legs and a sad expression. 

 

That night Lexa came home. 

 

She was woken by an iced nose and weight pressing on her sleeping form. 

 

She jumped so high, she almost threw the omega on the floor. 

 

“I’m cold.” Lexa whispered on her lips “I don’t want to feel cold.” 

 

“I’ll make you warm again.” she promised to the omega, claiming her lips for herself, pushing her hips upward, reversing their position, rubbing their body together, setting on fire her skin. 

 

“Don’t go away ever again.” the alpha ordered, stopping their feverish kisses, to look deep into her green lidded eyes. 

 

“I won’t.” Lexa promised, opening her legs to be a soft cocoon for the good alpha’s hips. 

 

She let Clarke rob her of every last barrier, the last shield she kept on her body. 

 

The alpha set her womb on fire with the strength of her loins, forgiving in all their generosity, merciful with all their gifts, while the omega screamed in pleasure, and finally warm breath rewarded her fatigues. 

 

Her sweat a prize to be showed. 

 

And when Lexa cried of ecstasy taking her knot and her bite, she owled her love for her to the suffocating air of the room.

 

Loving her Lexa for the rest of the night. 

 

………….

 

Lexa didn’t stay. 

 

And it surprised Clarke.

 

The one time she promised to stay. 

 

The one time Clarke has ever asked of anything, the one time she needed her to be next to her, she left. 

 

Like a thief in the night. 

 

At first she didn’t want to believe it. 

 

She wanted so much for it to be a dream, a bad, bad dream she’d never want to live again, but it wasn’t, Lexa like a cruel joke left only her red thong as a reminder of their night together. 

 

Her mind wasn’t as cruel as reality. 

 

It was a safe place and not an hell.

 

It gave her dreams of her smile of her hips and her belly, but never frightful images. 

 

When the stupor was gone rage took its place.

 

So she raged, and raged and raged

 

She raged for the longest time.

 

She raged to Anya especially, until she broke even that bond. Until she left the only person in the world that could understand what it meant to be left by Lexa. 

 

Then she was desperate, crying herself to sleep every night, sending drunk texts to the omega. Calling her mother in the middle of the night because she dreamed of her and needed someone to listen. 

 

Until she was drained, drained of all her emotion and nothing but a dull ache came from the inside of her ribcage.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! It was harder than I thought to write this one! End of the run, hope to not disappoint, because this is just cheesey, like tooth rotting, and I need to stop to watch romantic movies and Grey's Anatomy! You have been warned, hope you enjoy!

“It’s crazy. I can’t find a good baker in a city that hosts over two million people.” Wells whined. 

 

“You fired the last one, too? How long did he last, three days?” 

 

“Four days and three hours too much if you want my opinion.” 

 

“What did he do to unleash your hate?” 

 

“He made a Sacher Torte, a freaking Sacher Torte with pineapples. Pineapples!”

 

Clarke looked at her plate, she was eating something with pineapples on top. It wasn’t so bad as he said. 

 

“Yes, that disgusting thing you’re eating.” 

 

“It’s not so bad, you should try it.” 

 

“You just don’t mix pineapples with chocolate! It’s blasphemy!”’ Wells glared at her. 

 

The blonde just shrugged and kept eating it.

 

“Why the only one that wasn’t an inept had be crazy?” he said without thinking, he cringed at his own words as soon as they left his mouth. 

 

Clarke that was still wearing her shades only shrugged and pushed the cake away from her, preferring her coffee at the sweet. 

 

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” he sighed. 

 

“Don’t be it’s not your fault.” 

 

He tried to gauge if she was telling him the truth or not, but lately Clarke always wore her dark shades and had become a master at hiding her feelings, sometimes Wells told her he didn’t recognize her anymore. 

 

Clarke didn’t either. 

 

“Still no news of Her?” he asked with a soft tone. 

 

“Nope.” 

 

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” 

 

“I’m fine.” the alpha said standing up, leaving a few dollars to cover her bill and a tip for the waitress, while the man sighed “I have to go, or I’ll be late for the shift.” she proclaimed, lying shamelessly, but Wells didn’t know and he knew better than to bring up that topic and then bid her goodbyes. 

 

She knew he missed her too. 

 

That was why he kept changing baker. 

 

That job position had been open for six months and eighteen days, so far, not that Clarke’s counting, and yet, not one baker had managed to fill the void she left. 

 

She wasn’t that good.

 

It’s just that Wells missed Her, and wanted Her back. 

 

He was hoping for Her to come back and didn’t want to give up.

 

Keeping the position clear was his way to externalize his feelings. Clarke was sure that as soon as he stopped waiting for Her, he’ll find a new perfectly capable baker. 

 

It was just a matter of time. 

 

He should know better. 

 

Clarke wasn’t waiting for Her anymore, she was living her life. 

 

The life of a hermit, but she was happy like this. 

 

Nobody around to hurt her, only safe places to roam and no Her. 

 

She was happy, as much as someone who lost a part of themselves could be, but she was happy. 

 

………... 

 

Holidays had come around, Clarke used to love that time of the year, now, well now it left her torpid, just like the rest of the time.. 

 

Maybe a little irritated because of the many layers of clothes she had to wear to keep herself warm, but still. 

 

Maybe she was just getting older, but she found harder and harder to keep herself warm this days. 

 

She was always cold no matter what she did to battle that feeling, just like it sinked in her bones. 

 

Clarke blamed it on the fact that she was about to turn thirty, not because of Her. 

 

Or because Wells hadn’t found a new baker in over nine months and nine days. 

 

And her life had gone back to the blank thing it was before. 

 

It had nothing to do with it. 

 

Anya: Merry fucking Christmas or whatever the fuck you celebrate. 

 

Clarke smiled at the text, when she arrived at Wells’ house. 

 

She and Anya were back in goodish terms. 

 

After the younger alpha had gotten so drunk and so desperate for someone to understand, that she swallowed her pride and came back to that house, banging on the door at four am. 

 

Anya pointed a gun at her face, and once she realized it was her, a grim glare. 

 

They cried and had some sort of weirdly and inappropriate sexual encounter they promised to never talk about. 

 

Clarke: Merry Christmas to you, too! 

 

Anya: I’m jewish, dumbass. 

 

The other alpha send a picture of her circumcised cock to support her statement. 

 

Clarke: Happy Hannukah *smiling face with the middle finger up* 

 

She needed to hide her phone away from Wells pups. 

 

Jerrika loved to steal her phone, she loved to watch videos of her favorite cartoons on youtube but with her chubby clumsy finger she always opened thinks she shouldn’t. 

 

Like a video of Her stripping.

 

She put a password on her phone since then. 

 

She was the last one to show up. 

 

Raven and Bellamy were already there playing with the pups, Octavia with her immense belly was trying to navigate through the living room to come hug her and Lincoln was in the middle of a huge political discussion with Finn, Wells’ husband. 

 

She really hoped that the two of them didn’t turn their debate in a fight. 

 

Most of the time they did. 

 

Her mother with her new husband, Kane were nursing their eggnog on the couch, talking to Thelonious. 

 

He was the only one that came unaccompanied, was, because Clarke was on her own as well. 

 

But unlike her he didn’t get all of the sad and pitiful looks she got. 

 

He was a widow, he had the pitiful, prideful looks, he had managed to find a mate and refused to find another. 

 

It was something to respect.

 

It was his choice to be alone. 

 

While everybody thought that Clarke was unlovable and left on the side. 

 

Nobody wanted her. 

 

And when she was in a house full of people that looked at her like that, she almost believed it. 

 

But the truth was that Clarke chose to be alone as well. 

 

She had a mate, even if nobody knew, but her mate was.. it was Her. 

 

She didn’t need to explain herself more. She couldn’t because there was nothing else to say about Her. 

 

Her mother knew it and unlike the others gave Clarke a sympathetic look, the one you’d give to someone that has lost a family member. 

 

Because Clarke knew that She was never coming back, and She could be death for all of that Clarke knew. 

 

She tended to end up in bad situation, when She was on her own. 

 

And Clarke shivered at the thought. 

 

“You ok, auntie?” Theo, her godson, asked while showing her his new lightning mcqueen. He saw her shiver. 

 

That boy was way too smart for his own good. 

 

“Yeah, I’m great big guy. What else did you get?” 

 

“This!” he pointed to the tracks of a toy train “It’s Thomas the great race! Look there are Thomas and Percy, and if I push this button they run on their own! It’s amazing!” 

 

“I’m sure kiddo.” Clarke smiled at the pup. She had started to reverse all her unwanted love on Well’ pups. 

 

She was taking them to soccer practice, buying them Christmas presents. 

 

Finn thought it was weird, but Wells understood and let his pups’ godmother do as she wished. 

 

Clarke craved pups, but it was better if she didn’t have any, if she wanted to have some with Her. 

 

So she lived a part-time experience with Wells pups. 

 

It was better than nothing. 

 

And Theo and Jerrika looked at her like she was some sort of superhero, she appreciated the change. 

 

…….. 

 

“So you are a surgeon?” Shay asked surprised.

 

Clarke was wearing a ratty sweater and shred pants, she didn’t exactly look like someone who had a stable job and made a lot of money with it. 

 

“Not really, I’m a resident, I need to pass another test before I can be a real surgeon.”

 

“Oh, well.. that is great, I guess.” Shay added not knowing what to say. 

 

It was obvious that her interest had spiked up, when she learned Clarke was a surgeon. Any sane alpha would have said yes, only to earn a chance to talk some more with the beautiful omega. 

 

But Clarke wasn’t interested, and Shay was beautiful, smart and funny the perfect combination of the three, but all Clarke could think was, her lips are too full, her eyes are the wrong color her hair are black, her hips too wide and her bosom too big. 

 

“Well still, that is remarkable!” Lincoln added, sending a side glare to Clarke. 

 

“Clarke can you help me to go to the bathroom, please?” Octavia asked caressing her belly. 

 

“Why? I can’t enter omega’s bathrooms.” 

 

After a kick to her shin and a grumbled “Just help me up.” Clarke did as told. 

 

“You’re not even trying!” Octavia reprimanded. 

 

“I don’t even want to be here.” 

 

“What the fuck is wrong with Clarke? Shay is amazing and all you’re doing tonight is destroying every and each attempt of her to communicate with you! I’m astonished. At least do it for your dick and try to get laid!” 

 

“She has the same effect as a dead fish on my libido.”

 

“That is.. disturbingly disgusting and offensive!” 

 

“I wouldn’t consider it an insult. It’s not just her, pretty much everybody I have met in the last year have that effect on me. So she really shouldn’t feel offended, I have used far less flattering metaphors for the girl Raven introduced me to last week.” 

 

“Take a freaking pill and start to live again! Clarke you need a mate to have a pup, and I know that you want loads of pups, so put your shit together and find yourself an omega!” 

 

“My dick is not the problem.” Clarke stated “She’s not the one I want.” she said shrugging “Just like all of the other girls or boys you have tried to make me talk to. O, just stop with this stupid crappy dates and leave me alone!” 

 

“It’s that girl, isn’t it?” 

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“The girl from the bar! The one you and Anya made out with.” 

 

“Don’t.” Clarke stopped before she could say anything more or Her name. 

 

She couldn’t stand to hear it from anyone else other than Anya. Because they all said it so lightly, like it was nothing, like it didn’t bring up all of her suffering and sorrow. Like it didn’t kill her and brought her back to life in one breath. 

 

“I’m done with shit, O. I’m going home.” 

 

“Clarke..” the omega called after her, but she was already out of the door storming her way through passers toward Anya’s place. 

 

…………..

 

Octavia and Raven stopped to set her up on dates. 

 

She was so grateful for that, and when Tia was born, Clarke became godmother again, along with Raven and she spent a lot of her free time babysitting that little gurgling, uncoordinated bundle of blankets. 

 

The little thing was born in February and Octavia always feared she’d get cold and never let her out of the the little cocoon of wool Clarke bought her as a gift. 

 

She looked like a little caterpillar trying to crawl out of it for some freedom, and Clarke could spend hours looking at her, no, she spent hours giggling looking at the little girl.

 

But then Octavia came back from her visit to the doctor’s and Lincoln from work and she had to leave, she couldn’t put the pup in bed and kiss her goodnight or wake up in the middle of the night to feed the little shark. 

 

No she could only kiss the squirming baby and leave. 

 

Those nights Clarke hater Her with all of her might. 

 

She hated that she robbed her of all her love, all of her love for a partner, a mate.

 

And she cursed Her name, until sleep reclaimed her. 

 

………….. 

 

Wells didn’t find another baker. 

 

It had been one year, two months and twenty-three days, but still no baker. 

 

He had to come back to fill the void, hoping to find a new one. 

 

And Clarke was definitely not counting. 

 

She had started to date again, kind of. 

 

It was hard to find someone in the sea of thirty-sh people that was single and wasn’t a little crazy or had too much baggage to fall in love easily. 

 

There was also the dead fish libido thing, that Clarke felt for every person she had dated in the last month. 

 

Shay had given her another chance, when they bumped into each other at the supermarket, but after seven dates and Clarke’s inability to get it hard, they decided to stay friends. 

 

Every time she woke up with a morning wood because she had dreamed of Her, she cursed Her name. 

 

And so time went on, and the dull pain in her ribcage started to become stronger and stronger again. 

 

She was sure as time passed by, it was meant to get weaker and weaker. 

 

Everybody said that, books were full of stories like hers, and they all said time helped. 

 

Then why the hole inside of her was only getting bigger and bigger and she craved Her every second more, with every heartbeat more and every breath more. 

 

Wasn’t it supposed to get easier?

 

…………

 

Wells hadn’t find a new baker in one year, five months and four days. 

 

When she was younger she loved this time of the year as well. 

 

Before Her, she loved every time of the year, actually. 

 

She loved autumn, because of its colors, she loved winter for Christmas, she loved spring for its breeze and she loved summer because young beautiful girls and boys liked to wear less and less clothes. 

 

Before Her she felt a little like a perv in summers, but now she didn’t care about any of that stuff. 

 

In summers she started to appreciate the rain. 

 

Weird, right? 

 

Because that summer it was full of rainstorms, and Clarke loved to watch the rain fall from the windows of the hospital. 

 

She had become a traumatic surgeon, so she was calmly waiting for the next patient to walk in from the door. 

 

She could be doing her paperwork instead of staring at the rain but still she preferred to stay put behind the nurses’ table sipping at her coffee. 

 

It was a night like all of the others, it was always like this. 

 

The phone would ring and she would wait for the ambulance that was a few minutes away. 

 

And then she’d get to work assessing what was wrong. 

 

“Adult Omega, age unknown, we believe she’s in od. The people at the scene said she drank a lot too. They said she took heroin.” 

 

Clarke nodded at the paramedic.

 

Sometimes she didn’t even look at the patient face. 

 

She’d just get down to work. 

 

But that night she did. 

 

She wished she hadn’t.

 

Because on the stretcher, the passed out, shivering girl was Lexa. 

 

Her Lexa.

 

Her body moved on its own accord, and she stumbled backwards, and she tripped on something, maybe someone, a fucking intern eager to see his first Od case probably and then her ass was on the ground. 

 

And her favorite interns, the only smart one, came to her rescue. 

 

“Dr Griffin! Dr Griffin, are you ok?” 

 

“Call my mum.” she whispered, almost sobbed. 

 

“What?” 

 

“Call my fucking mother?! I can’t do it!” she pushed her back and finally the people on the scene started to move again. 

 

Christina was running to look for Abby and George was giving Her the chest compression and they were moving the stretcher inside. 

 

The only thing Clarke could do was grab her phone and call Anya. 

 

“What?” the other alpha barked in the speaker. 

 

“I found Her.” Clarke whispered, like she was telling her friend a secret “I found her.” 

 

“Where are you?” Anya asked with a cracked voice “Where the fuck are you?” she roared, when Clarke didn’t answer. 

 

“At the hospital.” 

 

And then the line went dead. 

 

………...

 

Clarke was still seated outside the double door of the er, drenched by the summer rain, shivering for its coldness. 

 

Now she hated that too. 

 

And then she didn’t know how, she was back on her feet, pushed on the wall and Anya was barking “Where is she?” in her face holding her scrubs collar. 

 

And Angelica, a nurse was screaming for security. 

 

“I don’t know.” 

 

“You said you found her!” 

 

“She’s inside somewhere. But I don’t know where.” 

 

“Find her!” Anya commanded, shoving her inside the double doors.

 

…….. 

 

Anya had finally calmed down, a little at least. 

 

After security arrived and immobilized her, threatening of calling the cops, Anya had stopped raging shoving Clarke around the hospital to make her find Lexa. 

 

There was nothing they could do. 

 

Just wait for someone to tell them her conditions. 

 

She was pacing in front of a row of seats in the waiting room area, while Clarke was staring at the wall in a fetal position on the seats. 

 

“Would you like a blanket, Dr Griffin?” Angelica asked, she was still drenched and drops were falling off her body at the same speed they were falling from the sky. 

 

She only shook her head. 

 

“Please, Dr Griffin, at least a warm tea?” 

 

She shook her head again, and the nurse sighed and left. 

 

“What does the nanny want from you?” Anya asked with a twisted smirk on her face.

 

Clarke knew what it meant, she wanted to make other people suffer, just like her. 

 

Little did she know, that Clarke was already. 

 

She didn’t answer, and Anya’s anger grew. 

 

She raged and raged and raged. 

 

“Shut up!” Clarke roared when she couldn’t deal with her any longer. 

 

All of the people in the room were watching them already. 

 

Clarke’s coworkers, her patients and her patient’s family. 

 

She didn’t give a fuck about them. 

 

“You act all mighty and strong now, blaming me! But you have done nothing for months! You know her father! You know some of her shithead friends! You could have found her! Instead you left me alone to look for her in the middle of the night in all of the ratty bars of this goddamn city for five months! Five fucking months! While all you could do was get shitfaced and fuck everything that moves! If you want to blame someone so much for this, then blame yourself and leave me the fuck alone!” 

 

“You should have never bit her!” Anya spit in her face. 

 

“You should have never told her you want to knock her up.” Clarke seethed. 

 

“Enough!” Abby roared from behind them “You’re making a scene in my hospital and embarrassing the both of you. I will not allow any of this to continue.” 

 

Anya and Clarke had the decency to at least look sheepish. 

 

“Follow me.” Abby ordered to the two alphas. 

 

The surgeon led them to an empty room and closed the door behind herself. 

 

“Do you know if she has any living family?” her mother asked, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

 

“Her dad is still alive, I’ve already called him.” Anya stated “He’s out of town for business. He said he’s found a plane and will be back in the morning.” 

 

“How is she?” Clarke asked. 

 

“I can’t tell you.” Abby said ready to leave throwing a glance to a forgotten sheet on the far side of the table. 

 

Clarke didn’t waste time and went to recollect it, while Anya was causing another scene. 

 

Her mother did this on purpose. 

 

Brilliant. 

 

After the security had arrived to calm Anya down again, Clarke told her everything. 

 

“She’s fine. She was in cardiac arrest for a few minutes though. My mum believes that all of her brain abilities are still intact. She’s still asleep and they presume she’ll sleep well after her father shows up. We just have to wait for him to let us in.” 

 

“I want to see her now.” Anya begged. 

 

“Because of your fucking scenes, the chief must have put security in front of her room, dumbass.” Clarke growled to her “That’s why my mum had to go through this shit to let us know.” 

 

“Uhm.. I..” Anya gaped, looking for words

 

“Just stop being loud and wait for her father.” 

 

………….

 

Clarke was not expecting for Mr Woods to be like that. 

 

She was lean and minute, all soft curves and elegant lines, the only things that could associate Her with her father were the wild curls on top of their heads and their eyes. 

 

He had kind eyes, and they were cut just like Hers.

 

He was a bulky man, tall and rough. 

 

A pile of muscles and beard. 

 

A scary alpha.

 

Clarke was afraid of him, and thought about running away and hide in the broom closet until he was gone. 

 

She really hopes Anya didn’t tell him what she did, because the two seemed close. 

 

Anya was hugging the distraught man, and gently whispering to him She was ok. 

 

They seemed to have achieved quite the level of intimacy, as if they were old friends. 

 

When the man’s stare landed on her she froze. 

 

“You must be, Clarke.” he gruffed through his beard. 

 

“Yes, that’s me.” the blonde alpha said, moving her weight from a leg to the other, fidgeting under his gaze. 

 

He hugged her gently, rubbing her back with his huge hand, when he let her go, he said “Anya has told me a lot about you. She says you love her.” 

 

“I do, sir, I do.” 

 

“That is all that matters.” he said with his sad, tired eyes. Clarke wondered if a life with Her would reduce her like him.

 

He looked defeated, like whatever haunted his daughter had eaten the edge a man like this must have possessed in his youth. 

 

“Can you point me to her room?” he asked sighing. 

 

To Clarke it looked almost as if he didn’t want to see Her, like he didn’t want to be hurt again.

 

Yet, he couldn’t refrain from torturing himself. 

 

“I’ll call my mum she’s her doctor. She’ll tell you everything.”

 

…….

 

Gustus, she learned his name while he was shaking her mother’s hand, was gently caressing the inside of his daughter’s elbow, were the marks of a needle had pricked her skin.

 

“What happened?” he asked to Abby. 

 

“Overdose.” her mother said softly, like a shameful secret she was confessing to a priest “She went in cardiac arrest, her heart couldn’t take the drugs anymore. She’s lucky whoever was with her called the ambulance. I believe this is not the first time she has taken heroin.”

 

“It isn’t.” he sighed “I thought she stopped doing this to herself. After she’s met Anya, she had stopped.” 

 

“I can suggest you, some decent disintoxication program if you’d like.” 

 

“If only it’d been that easy.” he said defeated “When is she going to wake up?” 

 

“I believe in the late afternoon.” 

 

“Thank you, doctor.” he said as a way to dismiss Abby, turning his green, green eyes back on his daughter’s features, while Abby left the room. 

 

Clarke listened to all of this from the outside of the room. 

 

She couldn’t bring herself to look at Her, not yet. 

 

Because she knew that if she looked at her she’d be a goner the second their eyes would meet, and all of the efforts, the improvements she’s done in moving on would be useless, she’d be back to one year, five months and four days ago. 

 

She wasn’t sure she wanted to be that woman again. 

 

She didn’t know if she could survive to a lifetime of Her. 

 

She didn’t know if she could survive to a lifetime of heartbreaks.

 

………. 

 

“She asked about you.” Anya told Clarke. 

 

She was back in her seat staring at the blank wall, in her fetal position. 

 

“Ok.” 

 

Anya sighed “You’re not staying?” 

 

“I don’t know.” 

 

“If you leave she’ll come for you.” 

 

“Is this you trying to reassure me?” 

 

“This is me warning you.” Anya smirked. 

 

“How could you be so happy? After all she’s done to you, to us?” 

 

“She’s back.” 

 

“This isn’t an answer.” 

 

“It is what it is, Clarke.” Anya sighed again “You know this is no way of living.” 

 

“Keeping my pride and making her stop to neuter me, constantly, isn’t a way of living?” Clarke scoffed. 

 

“Not when you could be happy. She’s here, you’d better take what you can get now, before there’s nothing.” 

 

“But I want more, I don’t want a moment, I don’t want to live in fear that every time I try to stand up for myself she flees and comes back in this condition. I can’t take it.” 

 

“Tell her.” 

 

“The last time it went all so good.” the younger alpha mocked. 

 

“Try again.” Anya pressed “She’ll understand, someday. You just need to get it through her thick head.” 

 

“You’re not asking her for more?” Clarke asked surprised. 

 

“She knows I want more. I’m hoping that when Wolfgang is born she’ll finally settle down.” 

 

“You’re calling your hypothetical pup Wolfgang?” Clarke chuckled. 

“Yep, I’m pretty sure Lexa will agree.” 

 

“I can see her doing it.” 

 

“You know, her father is going back home to sleep, later.” Anya informed “If you’d like to talk to her alone I can leave for a while.” 

 

“It’s useless.” Clarke said defeated. 

 

“You don’t know. Maybe she’s got a near death revelation and she sees everything clearly now. Maybe she’s ready to love us both.” 

 

“Where do you find the strength to lie to yourself?” 

 

“I think that is what gives me strength.” Anya smiled bitterly “She needs you.” 

 

“What about what I need?” 

 

“Don’t kid yourself, Clarke. She is what you need. Just like me, we’re in deep shit. But unlike you I refuse to let my happiness slip away from fingers because I’m afraid to be hurt again.”

 

“You call this happiness?” Clarke asked bewildered “This state of constant panic and anxiety? I’m afraid to move because I think that if she disagree she’ll leave me, again. How do you have the courage to call this living?” 

 

“I’m not calling what you’re doing living.” Anya spit in her face “I’m not staying in puddle of my own fears, waiting and begging for someone to give me a serum to make her safe! You are coward, Griffin, you are just scared of taking what you want.” 

 

“What are you, dense?” 

 

“Not as much as you.” Anya sneered “I won’t stop to fight for what I want, I’ll keep asking her to give me what I want, but I can force her to marry me or carry my pups, that’s her choice. I don’t care how long it’ll take or if it’ll never happen, I’ll keep trying to get it, I’ll keep asking her to give me what I want until my dying day. Because this, when she’s here repays me of all the suffering. I love her. Because this is what it means to love Lexa. If you can’t take it, then leave.” Anya said defeated going back to Her room. 

 

……….

 

“Where is Clarke?” Lexa asked out of the blue, she was eating the shitty hospital chocolate pudding. 

 

“She’s somewhere in the hospital.” Anya said cooly stealing some fruit from what Lexa was supposed to eat. 

 

“Why is she not here?” 

 

“You hurt her, Lex.” Anya sighed. 

 

“I hurt you too.” 

 

“I’ve got five years to get used to your “vacations”.” the alpha said with a dry tone. 

 

“I thought it was the right thing to do, I couldn’t give you what you wanted, so I left, I’ve never meant to come back.” 

 

“Is this your twisted version of an apology?” Anya teased. 

 

“I don’t apologize.” Lexa scoffed.

 

“You should learn to.” Anya berated. 

 

“Do you want me to?” 

 

“Just don’t leave again.” 

 

“I can’t promise that.” 

 

“I’m not asking you for the world, Lexa! I’m not asking you to change!” Anya snapped her tone dry and hard “I’m just asking you to love me back!” 

 

“You don’t want that.” Lexa spit back. 

 

“Lexa.” Anya said with a threatening tone, her nostrils flaring. She said it as a warning to let the omega know she was pissed and not in control of herself. 

 

“You don’t want that!” Lexa screamed, the first time Clarke heard her scream, from her position right behind the room’s wall, near the open door “You don’t want to see what’s behind the shiny parties and the great fucks. You don’t want to know, to see where I go to cry myself to sleep when you’re done telling me you love me and you want a family with me, that you want pups with me. And I can’t give that to you! What if they are just like me, Anya? What if you love them more than me? What if I hate them and hate you, or Clarke?”

 

“Lexa…” Anya said, soft and begging, to comfort her. 

 

“Enough Anya!” Lexa said raising her hand, as if to physically stop the words to reach her ears. 

 

“Take us there.” Clarke stepped, inside the room.

 

“Clarke…” the omega sobbed relieved, before she shook her head “No, I don’t want to.” 

 

“Please, Lex. Let us.” Clarke stepped closer to her, and grabbed her hands in her warm ones “If this is what it takes, we can, we can take it all. We won’t back down. We.. I love you, Lexa. And you have to believe me when I say that nothing will scare me away from you.” 

 

“Please, Clarke, please don’t..” 

 

“No, for once you’ll listen to me. I want fifty pups and the house with the white fence, I want all of that. But if don’t, then I’ll give it up. Because you matter so much more than all of that! I just need you to promise me, that it’s because you want it, and not because you are afraid of the ifs.” 

 

“Cl-arke.” 

 

“Just say yes, now and then we’ll figure everything out, when it’s time Lexa. I can take down each of your demons, one at a time, as long as you let me. Now I want you to take me to where you go when you’re away from me.” 

 

“Ok.” she breathed, drying her tears. 

 

“Ok.” Clarke smiled. 

 

……….

 

Clarke wasn’t expecting for this to be it. 

 

She was hoping that she’d stayed somewhere else, somewhere safe. 

 

She didn’t care if she’d stayed with another alpha, it would’ve been better than this. 

 

A little apartment abandoned in the middle of a gang’s hood. 

 

She swore she saw Anya lower her gaze when a pup glared at her. 

 

It was filled with junk, clothes thrown haphazardly everywhere, rotten food on the counter and a syringe in the sink. 

 

“When you’re not with us, you’re here?” Anya asked bewildered. 

 

“Yeah.” Lexa sighed, lowering her eyes. 

 

“Why?” 

 

“That’s how I feel.” 

 

“You’re not this.” 

 

“An..” 

 

“You’re not this, Lexa!” Anya almost shook from the tension of her anger. 

 

Something Clarke wondered if Anya first reaction to everything was rage. 

 

“What’s this?” Clarke asked reaching for the only thing that wasn’t broken or dirty, near a mattress. 

 

“It’s my Dad’s wedding album.” Lexa said approaching her “The first pictures of my mother. She was poor, very poor and her parents couldn’t afford a camera to immortalize her beauty before this.” 

 

“You look a lot like her.” 

 

“Dad says she was crazy too.” 

 

“Yet, he loved her, in the good and the bad times.” the younger alpha said tracing the leather cover with her fingers. 

 

“He did.” Lexa nodded. 

 

“Is there something important left?” 

 

Lexa only shook her head. 

 

“Then we can go.” 

 

……….

 

Clarke and Anya took her home. 

 

Showered her and loved her till the sun was shining through the curtains. 

 

And Lexa stayed. 

 

She stayed and stayed and stayed, forever.

 

They bought the house with the white fence. 

 

And unfortunately for Clarke they called one of their pups Wolfgang.

 

A little boy alpha with the brunette’s smirk and mirth, and Anya’s sharp sense of humor. 

 

Their first born. 

 

Then came Aden, a caring and always polite alpha like, Clarke, he followed her everywhere even at work and always found himself fascinated with the healings arts.

 

And last was Amelia, a little scrawny omega, with bright blue irides and a dangerous glint in her eyes. 

 

The two alphas always fussed on her, dreading the moment they’d have to follow each of her steps.

 

Only at peace when she slept. 

 

Only at peace when their love was between their arms. 

Lexa facing Clarke while Anya rested behind her, an arm swung on her waist, protectively. 

 

It had been years since that night, since Lexa’s darkest time, but she still wondered.

 

And Lexa asked her the same question almost every night, when she frowned, looking for an answer. 

 

“What is it, my love?”

 

“I wonder.” 

 

“You do, every night. Will you ever tell me about what?” 

 

That night Clarke did. 

 

“I wonder about what ails you. Don’t you?” 

 

“No.” Lexa said simply. 

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t need to know, when I’ve found what heals me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Any thoughts?


End file.
